Dear Mr Madara
by strangebloke
Summary: "Mr. Madara, as pleased as we are to recieve your application, we sadly cannot allow your admission into the interdimensional league of villains."


Mr. Madara

When your application for membership in the Multiversal League of Villains, first crossed my desk earlier this month, I was delighted. Your resume was immaculate, and filling it out in blood was, I must say, inspired. Beyond that, the fact that you have personally led almost five assaults on peace and civilization in the world certainly speaks to your character. We are certain that your abilities would make a great addition to the already quite diverse Multiversal League of Villains.

Unfortunately, upon continued research, we found several failings in your method that must be remedied before we can consider you for membership. For your convenience and instruction, we have listed them below.

**1:** **Inadvisable use of an Alter Ego-** While generally the use of an alter ego is something that is restricted, by and large, to the opponents of the League, many of our members, including Vice-President Dracula, have from time to time adopted such a guise to aid their plans. The alternate identity you assumed, however, was not only pointless, it was also ridiculous. This unfortunate mistake has led to the eternal tarnishing of your bad name, and we can only recommend that you abandon this alter ego permanently.

**2: Repeated Failure of Plans**- All of our esteemed members have, at one point or another, met with the bitter taste of defeat. That said, your repeated failures are far beyond what the League can reasonably be expected to tolerate. Not only have you been defeated in single combat on two separate occasions, you also, both times, had control over this 'Kyuubi,' a creature you assert to be the most powerful in the ninja world. Moreover, on one occasion, sloppy tactical deployment of this monster led to it being defeated by a young, half-dead pregnant lady. We suggest that you attempt to be more careful when crafting your plans.

**3: Inefficient Use of Resources**-The list of subordinates you provided was quite impressive, including puppets, artists, an angry merman, and at least one god. On closer inspection, we realized that most of these valuable assets were lost in suicidal solo missions that you sent them out on. While carelessness for the lives of other is often the defining characteristic of a villain, your inefficiency is frankly disgusting.

**4: Lack of Initiative**-Investigation has revealed that despite having powerful subordinates, free movement, and literally all the time in the world, you have actually made very few attempts at your goal. What is perhaps more disturbing, is that you one-time employee Orochimaru came closer to destroying Konoha, within just a few years of breaking ties with you, than you have in all of your hundred-plus years of existence. The League recommends that you take the initiative, lead all of the Akatasuki into Konoha, and blow it to smithereens.

**5: Failure to Show Competent levels of sanity- **Insanity is common among our members. In many cases, we encourage it. As the pioneering work of the Senior Villain 'Joker' demonstrated, nothing is more terrifying than a man who is completely insane. Nonetheless, we think that in your case you have taken your mental instability too far. You have subjugated all of your plans to the completion of this 'Moon's eye' plan, a scheme so ridiculous that your foes seem to have a hard time keeping a straight face as you relate it to them.

**6: Inability to Inspire Terror in anyone**- One of the trademark abilities of the successful villain is that wherever he goes, people everywhere cower in terror. Observation of you has revealed that, rather than producing the aforementioned terror, people observing you seem merely to snigger uneasily. We politely suggest that revise your appearance somewhat. The best villains convey much complexity within the simplicity of their costume.

For these reasons and others, we regret to inform you that we must refuse your application. However, we encourage you to reapply in the future should you amend some of the above problems. Also, we encourage your subordinates Orochimaru, Pein, and Itachi to apply, as they seem to be prime villain material.

Respectfully Yours,

Richard Nixon, League President


End file.
